What is men’s work?
Men’s work is any dedicated activity for men focused on growth, healing, unlearning patriarchy, embodying gentle masculinity, and becoming a better man. There aren’t enough compassionate, authentic men in society, to devastating effect. With men’s work, we can develop ourselves into these role models and invest in other men and boys.
Why should you care?
Look around! The current social script on masculinity isn’t working.
Men are up against numerous challenges, and we’re suffering the consequences of traditional messaging on what it means to “be a man.” You may think of feminism as a quest to persecute men or oppress us, but the reality is that feminism is a movement to uplift all people from being victimized by the system of patriarchy. Men are victimized, too. It all boils down to not having adequate male role models in our homes and communities.
Boys coming from a single parent household, > 80% of which are women-led, are 2x as likely to be incarcerated as girls coming from the same type of household.
Men and boys don’t have adequate representation in schools and from mental health professionals. Only 25% of therapists or schoolteachers are men. Women make up 75% of recent psychology doctorates.
70 - 80% of primary school teachers are women. Who are these teachers naturally going to gravitate towards, and see versions of themself in? Not likely the little boys.
Boys are 2x as likely to be suspended from school than girls (even when this fact is behaviorally adjusted), with Black boys 5x as likely to be suspended.
Young men are struggling to get into college, and struggling with performance once enrolled. Men make up only 40% of current college enrollments.
Although vastly underreported, current statistics show 3% of American men will experience a completed or attempted sexual assault in his lifetime.
Regardless of the victims’ gender about 75% of all violent crime in the US is perpetrated by men, and about 99% of sexual assaults. These are against women and other men.
25% of American women will experience a completed or attempted sexual assault in her lifetime, most of which will be perpetrated by a man.
Men make up nearly 80% of all completed suicides in the US, and globally men die by suicide twice as frequently as women, despite making up an equal population share.
93% of incarcerated Americans are men, despite only making up 49% of the population.
We’ve arrived at our current situation because our ideals of masculinity are flawed and lead to a host of harmful behaviors.
What is masculinity?
Masculinity is defined as a socially subjective set of qualities or attributes ascribed to men and boys. What it means to be “masculine” varies across cultures and societies, and even changes over time within the same society. “Toxic” masculinity can be defined as the set of behaviors a society deems as masculine which have a net negative, harmful impact. We prefer using the term patriarchal masculinity, which encompasses the implication of toxic masculinity but adds that these behaviors serve to enforce patriarchy and subjugate males and non-males alike.
Gentle masculinity is a practice of masculine qualities or behaviors which have a positive impact on society - such as being kind, looking after the well-being of others, holding other men accountable for their harmful actions, using gentleness deliberately.
Through men’s work, we can collectively organize against the normalized behaviors and expectations we’ve learned from our patriarchal forbearers. The aim is to show up as exemplary, compassionate leaders in our families, communities, and professional or academic spheres.
Positive outcomes of practicing men’s work include:
Improved personal and professional relationships
A better understanding of your body and your emotions
Being a better father, son, brother, nephew, and lover
Finding healing, growth, and transformation
Building lifelong friendships
There are many things that encompass men’s work and the lifelong journey of being a good man, such as:
Having an honest, vulnerable conversation with another man about something heavy on your heart, feeling comfortable enough to cry in front of them and receive support
Holding another man accountable through firm but compassionate discussion about something he’s said or done
Listening to a podcast or reading a book about topics like emotional labor, feminism, gender roles, father-son bonds, and healing from trauma
Speaking up in a meeting in your workplace to ensure that a colleague’s voice is heard if they were spoken over or interrupted by a man
Start your own men’s work journey now with a virtual workshop or retreat!
