BY JOHN FELDKAMP

Disclaimer: The following blog discusses sensitive issues of body dysmorphia and physical insecurity. Hey Brother Co. welcomes men and women of all bodies to read and reflect, but does not recommend self-diagnosis. If you need support, we recommend checking out the Body Dysmorphic Disorder Foundation’s resources page, which provides a myriad of helpful resources including podcasts, books, videos, self-guided exercises, and more.

Arnold Schwarzenegger, 7-time Mr. Olympia, lamented on his own physique in a 2021 edition of Cigar Aficionado:

Image via Pinterest licensed through Creative Commons

“When I look in the mirror, I throw up.

I never saw perfection. There was always something lacking. I could always find a million things wrong with myself and that’s what got me back into the gym—because I started out with that mentality.

I’d look in the mirror after I won one Mr. Olympia after another and think, ‘How did this pile of shit win?’”

With a cult-like following, Schwarzenegger is widely recognized as the archetype of modern bodybuilding, and his words are revered by the fitness community. Behind his name are countless awards, a successful acting and political career, and a legendary story as an immigrant to the United States. How, then, do we make sense of Arnold’s self-loathing? Unfortunately, his body dysmorphia is far too common, and he, like many men, has spent a lifetime trying to cure it with one of the same vessels that perpetuates the issue: the gym.

So what is body dysmorphia? The Mayo Clinic defines body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) as a “mental health condition in which you can’t stop thinking about one or more perceived defects or flaws in your appearance.” Body dysmorphia can often present as continuous or episodic moments of self-disgust, obsession with certain body standards, and a hopeless feeling of never measuring up. Although often ascribed to young adult women, BDD occurs in a similar frequency in both sexes, and is thought to appear as early as ages 3-4. Because it is so underdiagnosed, BDD research across socioeconomic, racial, and ethnic categories is currently inconclusive.

Body dysmorphia and physical insecurity are a deeply complex issue influenced by both intrinsic perception and extrinsic social expectation. When it comes to the gym, it’s common to assume a “grass is greener” mentality, where we rave over the physical attributes of others while we repulse over our own. I am proposing that the grass is greener on the other side because, as men, we fail to water our own grass. In fact, the whole paradigm of greener grass implies an ever-rising, unattainable standard imposed on us by a patriarchal society. While so fixated on the other side, we often forget to provide ourselves with the essential nourishment needed to sustain the harsh demand we place on our bodies.

Along my journey as an athlete, bodybuilder, and powerlifter, I have both felt in myself and seen in other men a sense of inadequacy when it comes to physical attributes like height, bicep size, chest size, vascularity, body fat, and even smaller details, like facial hair. These feelings often remain constant regardless of how someone measures up to our society’s conventions of male fitness. Think of Arnold, who, despite achieving the pinnacles of aesthetics, still felt insecure about his appearance. In bodybuilding, a sport which relies solely on physical aesthetic and body proportion, men are prone to hyperfixation on anything that doesn’t measure up to these expectations. The content we consume each day through social media places immense emphasis on what is aesthetically pleasing, as opposed to functional performance and health.

So what do we do when these aggressive feelings come about? How are we meant to understand when someone as revered as Arnold Schwarzenegger isn’t even “ripped” enough?

First, we have to acknowledge that although body dysmorphia is expressed through our internal self-perception, it is deeply influenced by social and cultural factors. Don’t believe me? Check out the participants of Netflix’s new hit series Physical: 100, and make your guess as to who might win the rigorous competition of physical fitness.

If you picked the guy with the 20-inch biceps and tree trunk legs, I don’t blame you, because I did too. But let’s examine that bias. As men, we are raised to believe that size and strength are achieved simultaneously, and that they are synonymous for manliness. Continue watching the first season and you'll quickly learn the difference between size and strength. We, as a global society, place misguided importance on size as a measure of strength. Ask yourself, do you go to the gym to grow your muscles so that you can be perceived as strong?

With the advent of the internet and social media, our bodies are constantly dissected under a microscope, with and without our consent. Traditional masculinity dictates that men should assume a stoic demeanor, often passed down from father to son, to ignore the emotional dimension of our internal struggles. A man is traditionally told to look outward, and romanticize the need for drastic physical transformation to meet either his own internal expectations, or the oft-changing desires of the society around him.

As an avid gym-goer, I am by no means suggesting that we should abandon hitting the weights altogether. Exercise offers a tremendous vessel to improve our physical health, process our emotions, and channel our energy in a goal-oriented atmosphere. I find it necessary to mention that I participate in this system, and am merely suggesting that men need to recognize the “why” behind our relentless desire for size. In his spectacular book Man Enough, actor and men’s work leader Justin Baldoni describes using what he calls a “Why Ladder” to better understand his impulses regarding fitness. Here’s an example he uses in the book:

“Why do I want to work out? Because I am feeling stressed and I want to release some of that energy from my day. Why? Because I know that my mind and body are connected and when I move my body and sweat, I feel better.

Or maybe another day the answer is that I want to work out because I want to be stronger so that I look ‘good’ or ‘better.’ Why? Is it because I am feeling a bit insecure that I’m aging? Why? Because I’m worried about how I’m going to pay my mortgage next year if the next movie I direct bombs, and I need to stay fit in case I need to act again because my value as an actor in Hollywood is dependent on how I look versus how skilled I am.

So now that I know I’m wanting to work out because deep down I am feeling insecure, I can start to address the real reason, while choosing to work out because I want to, not because I feel I have to”

Baldoni explains that the Why Ladder is not an interrogation, but rather a mindful exercise to better understand his insecurities and intentions. With a better understanding of our “why,” we can work out with peace of mind knowing it is now a choice that exists outside of an impulsive response to dysmorphia. I challenge you to implement the Why Ladder as a method of assessing whether your desire to exercise is born from a need to release stress, burn energy, connect your mind and body, or rather a maladaptive thought pattern.

The Why Ladder is merely an example of a greater call to action toward body positivity. By practicing mindful affirmation, exercising appreciation for all that our bodies do for us, challenging our dysfunctional impulses, and disrupting the hyper-comparative nature of our surroundings, we can create a world where all men feel comfortable, loved, and empowered in their own bodies. No matter what you see in the mirror, you were, are, and always will be enough.